Traits Of A Narcissist

The following is not an exhaustive list of the traits of a narcissist. This is a simplified explanation of certain signs that will help you to identify if you are involved with a narcissist.

1. The most tell tale sign of a narcissist is that they do not have the capacity to empathize. In other words, someone with empathy can feel what you are feeling and understand.  They can “feel your pain” and they care.  On the other hand a narcissist cannot feel your pain.

2. They have an overriding need to be the center of attention. They must be appreciated and if you do not appreciate them the way they think you should they will take their anger out on you.

3. A narcissist, when faced with anything like an insult, will withdraw.  They will not talk about the problem they will isolate themselves.

4. They have a need to be thought of as special and want you to prove that to them that they are special all the time. Anything less is a betrayal and you will pay for that.

5. They are perfectionists and want you to be perfect too.  Because if you are not perfect it reflects on their image.  They don’t care about you, they only care that the image you project mirrors how they see themselves.

6. They can often fly off into rages if their needs are not met to their specified idea of what they deserve.

7. They are dependent on praise from others.

8. They are emotionally unavailable.

9. They may choose you as a partner only because you have qualities that they don’t have and they seek to possess them by possessing you.

10. They draw partners to them who are fearful of abandonment.

11. They may distort the good intentions of their partner.

12. Narcissists tend to be arrogant and vane.  They have an unreasonable need to achieve.

13. They can never put your needs above theirs.

14. They will not be able to enjoy your successes.  They are envious if something good happens to you.

15. They often choose a partner with low self-esteem.  This gives them a sense of superiority.  They will seek to keep you down in order to prop themselves up.

16. They love themselves so much that they can never love you.

17. They blame others for any failures they may have.

18. They can appear confident and charming and are often very attractive.

19. They are often high achievers.  Achieving only for their own self-aggrandizement.

20. If you challenge them in a relationship or try to get them to care about your needs they will cheat on you without a thought.

Number 20 can be the most devastating part of being involved in a narcissistic relationship. You love them and they don’t care.  You have given them your all and they can and will turn on you and start a relationship with someone else.  They are incapable of caring about how that affects you.  You find out the person you thought loved you was never capable of loving you in the first place.  It’s a nightmare.

2 thoughts on “Traits Of A Narcissist

  1. Jessica Byrne Post author

    This point you made is excellent and in a small way sums them up “They are incredibly adept at reading people, situations and making quick decisions”

    There is a deep ingrained talent that they have for this. It’s a sickness. And they don’t know they are sick. This is survival for them.

  2. Ken

    All of these points are true but there are a lot more traits, some very hard to fathom and define – to then put in words. This list is quite insightful however, catching some real nuances. Important in my experience is that they do not quit on what they want and they will keep trying to find ways to get what they want, using you in a growing number of ways to help them achieve it. As they are unable to see that sometimes their ideas are ridiculous, this leads to some real abuses of you. My growing belief is that medical science has not yet defined or figured them out accurately. There seems to be an idea that they are this or they are that. I think that it may just be possible that most of what is attributed to them will eventually emerge in their actions individually if you are around one long enough. It is like they are pre-programmed and on automatic, responding and working what is around them as conditions and opportunities present themselves.
    They are exceptionally hard on those around them, not all of the time but instantly if they think they can get away with it or feel the need to. They expect you to bow and scrape and jump to it at any time. They impose a strong will and threaten you with it. You are selected to do their bidding and your duties will be set out for you.
    It was an incredible path I had stumbled onto. In my reading, I don’t think many people realize just how dangerous these people can be, how much we must learn to identify them and avoid them.
    They are incredibly adept at reading people, situations and making quick decisions. Watch out or you will be played in ignorance like I was!

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