Are you the type of person who believes that you should love unconditionally? And that the unconditional love you give your partner should be returned? That’s the ideal, isn’t it?  It would be wonderful if we could all reciprocate. The reality is that if you are the type that will feel sorry for your partner and have the urge to fix them or please them unreasonably then you may be a real target of the narcissist.

Have you ever found yourself tolerating your partner’s unacceptable behavior? Making excuses and blaming yourself for his/her behavior. If you were only this, or looked like that, or did this better the bad behavior will stop and you will be loved unconditionally. In other words you don’t or won’t set boundaries for what you will accept and won’t accept in a relationship? If that is you then you are very attractive to the narcissistic personality and might even be in a relationship with one right now.

It may be that you are at the point where you are actually tolerating behavior that you never thought you would accept. Then you may be a co-dependent.

Co-dependents have a deep capacity for love, but they don’t have the capacity to love themselves enough to stop the pain the narcissist is causing them.

You may be trying over and over and over again to please your partner but it is never enough. That’s because the narcissist is incapable of intimacy, love and commitment from another person. In reality, it looks like they love themselves deeply but the fact is they loathe themselves. So they cannot love you. They cannot return to you what you are giving freely to them.

Co-dependent personalities evolve from attempts to keep some type of order in a hurtful relationship.

People who are not co-dependent will not put up with the behavior of a narcissist. They have healthy love for themselves that tells them what to tolerate and what to walk away from. And they will walk away from a narcissistic relationship once they reveal their true personality. And, the narcissist, who may seem wonderful at first, will show their other side sooner or later.

If you are tolerating abusive or childish behavior from your partner then you don’t have healthy boundaries. You need to break away from the narcissist or your life will spiral downhill. You will never get the love you really need from this relationship and that you deserve to have. Healing begins when you awaken to the reality that you and your partner have problems that will never be resolved. You can heal and be healthy again. Your partner, if a true narcissist, cannot.

Filed under: The Narcissist and Co-Dependent

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